I finally got around to writing the prologue of the novel I'm attempting to write. It took a while to sort out my ideas and rethink a lot of my initial ideas about this world, but I think I finally understand what I need to do.
This story is set in a world where women are surgically/genetically enhanced and sold as "wives" to the upper class (but are pretty much servants/slaves). But rebellion is stirring and a threat that can destroy everyone is lurking in the shadows...
Does that sound interesting? I hope it does. Have a look at the prologue and let me know what you think. I need critical readers to knock some sense into me - too much (unnecessary) information being thrown at you? Did I get carried away with metaphors (I tend to do that...it's either all or nothing haha)? Does my dialogue read like plastic people talking about a cardboard world?
If some genius person can help me come up with a title for this thing, I will be eternally grateful.
And please do let me know if you enjoy it :)
*sidenote: I just discovered the program yWriter, and I love it! It's so useful :)
Prologue:
20 years ago, Stockholm, Sweden
The room was still. Not a whisper of movement as fifteen pairs of eyes stared at the glowing screen in front of them, unblinking. In a few seconds, the world would be altered forever, and these men and women would either dissolve along with the ashes of the earth or be left to mourn and pick up the pieces. It was hard to tell which was worse.
How could the world have fallen so far, so fast? How had two nations allowed the seductive whispers of power to rule them so completely? For years now Japan and the United states continued to batter one another in an attempt to prove to the world that she was the true leader of the Technological Revolution.The world had seen everything from chemical attacks to android soldiers, always believing the worst was over until someone played an even more horrific card from their ever-growing hand. And now it had all come to a head.
They had all known it would come to this, no matter how much they told themselves otherwise. Temporary barriers had been erected to protect them from the ripples of radiation that would follow a nuclear explosion. No one knew how long they would hold, if at all, but it was the best that the European Federation's scientists could create. They kept their fingers crossed that the rest of the world had managed the same.
The time had come. The clock on the screen had ticked down to nothing, and there hadn't been the slightest hint of surrender on either side. The room was perfectly silent. Everyone stood frozen, holding their breath. Beep! Everyone jumped at the noise, while Dr. Oshiro smiled sheepishly and pointed to his watch. "Sorry," he mouthed, unwilling - or unable - to break the silence. The scientists and military personnel once again resumed their silent vigil. Still nothing. Had they overreacted? Perhaps the surrender had been taken care of quietly, and they would be free to return to a peaceful world. Perhaps...
An instant later, a roar from the bowels of the earth reared up and devoured the silence. The room rocked violently, equipment sending sparks flying as they struck the walls. Everyone screamed in terror, unleashing a riptide of pent up anxiety. The barrier didn't work - of course it couldn't have! If we aren't incinerated, we'll be broken by the onslaught of radiation! Dear God, no one can save us now.
Then, a single thought, rising in the consciousness of everyone in the room. I'm still alive.
Admiral Gray was the first to recover from the shock. Dr. Adelaide Fontaine watched as he pulled up the satellite images of the globe and cursed. "It looks like Japan and America attacked simultaneously and blew each other to bits! Australia and South America are almost submerged by the radiation clouds, but it looks like Africa and most of Asia is clean." He took a deep breath. "We're going to make it! I can see most of the radiation clouds are built up outside our barriers - dunno how long those'll last though."
No one said a word, but it was clear that everyone was relieved. The admiral straightened up and continued to address his team. "We may have made it through doomsday, but we are in rough shape," Admiral Gray cautioned, "Most of our money went into war expenses, and we are obviously not going to be getting much revenue from international trade. It is imperative that we find a way to bolster our economy once more."
Adelaide cleared her throat. "I may be able to help there. As you recall, there were some...unfortunate accidents with some of the people who lived near where we were testing our barrier technology against radiation. Many of them came to us with deformities and begged us to give them their bodies back, and their lives. Of course we were more than happy to oblige, and after some reconstructive surgery and genetic enhancements, we were able to make them as good as - no, better than new." Her face shone with fierce pride.
Dr. Ibarra frowned. "I don't see where you're going with this, Adelaide. So you created some superhuman people - how is that going to help with the economy?"
Adelaide's gray eyes flashed. "That's Dr. Fontaine to you, Ibarra. Don't forget that I have been a part of this far longer than you. If you will allow me to finish..."
"Yes, yes, of course. My apologies," Ibarra muttered. He knew better than to cross the woman of steel.
"As I was saying, we were able to create genetically enhanced people, but their attempts at assimilation back into their communities were rejected. The world was not ready for creatures of such perfection." She trailed off wistfully. "But now, now people are desperate for beauty in such an ugly, ruined world. We can sell these creatures to the wealthy as workers, servants, novelties, what have you - call it an act of patriotism if you must! I'm sure the propaganda teams can put something together."
"Excuse me, Dr. Fontaine," Captain Ingvar Kristensen interrupted. "Somehow I do not feel this is right. Our job is to help people, not sell them to one another. I cannot stand by and allow you to humiliate those who asked you for help. You dishonor them, and you dishonor all that we have fought to protect!"
Adelaide didn't say a word. Captain Kristensen began to shift his feet uncomfortably under her unwavering gaze. When she finally spoke, it was with a measured tone made even more menacing by its apparent calm. "Humiliate? Do you truly believe there is dishonor in restoring lives to people otherwise condemned to a living death? These people would be nothing, nothing without the surgery. Is it too much to ask for their labor to restore our economy and our lives? I think not." She gazed levelly at everyone in the room. "Does anyone else have objections?"
The admiral spoke up. "If these...people are greater than us in so many ways, do you really think they'll agree to be sold as servants? And how do you suppose we will get enough people willing to undergo the surgery?"
A thin-lipped smile spread across Adelaide's face. "Do not worry so much, admiral, I'm sure we can come up with some form of Achilles heel. Nothing too serious, of course. As for the numbers, we can collect the sick and the handicapped from other countries; after all, we'll be using the TransPads to ship food and supplies - why not people as well?"
The admiral nodded his head slowly. He knew that Adelaide would get her way one way or another, and frankly, they didn't have any other options at the moment. It was worth a shot. "All right, Dr. Fontaine. We will try out your plan, but I want to be clear that the people selected for the surgery do so on a voluntary basis."
Adelaide smiled sweetly. "But of course! Thank you, Admiral. You will not be disappointed."
This story is set in a world where women are surgically/genetically enhanced and sold as "wives" to the upper class (but are pretty much servants/slaves). But rebellion is stirring and a threat that can destroy everyone is lurking in the shadows...
Does that sound interesting? I hope it does. Have a look at the prologue and let me know what you think. I need critical readers to knock some sense into me - too much (unnecessary) information being thrown at you? Did I get carried away with metaphors (I tend to do that...it's either all or nothing haha)? Does my dialogue read like plastic people talking about a cardboard world?
If some genius person can help me come up with a title for this thing, I will be eternally grateful.
And please do let me know if you enjoy it :)
*sidenote: I just discovered the program yWriter, and I love it! It's so useful :)
Prologue:
20 years ago, Stockholm, Sweden
The room was still. Not a whisper of movement as fifteen pairs of eyes stared at the glowing screen in front of them, unblinking. In a few seconds, the world would be altered forever, and these men and women would either dissolve along with the ashes of the earth or be left to mourn and pick up the pieces. It was hard to tell which was worse.
How could the world have fallen so far, so fast? How had two nations allowed the seductive whispers of power to rule them so completely? For years now Japan and the United states continued to batter one another in an attempt to prove to the world that she was the true leader of the Technological Revolution.The world had seen everything from chemical attacks to android soldiers, always believing the worst was over until someone played an even more horrific card from their ever-growing hand. And now it had all come to a head.
They had all known it would come to this, no matter how much they told themselves otherwise. Temporary barriers had been erected to protect them from the ripples of radiation that would follow a nuclear explosion. No one knew how long they would hold, if at all, but it was the best that the European Federation's scientists could create. They kept their fingers crossed that the rest of the world had managed the same.
The time had come. The clock on the screen had ticked down to nothing, and there hadn't been the slightest hint of surrender on either side. The room was perfectly silent. Everyone stood frozen, holding their breath. Beep! Everyone jumped at the noise, while Dr. Oshiro smiled sheepishly and pointed to his watch. "Sorry," he mouthed, unwilling - or unable - to break the silence. The scientists and military personnel once again resumed their silent vigil. Still nothing. Had they overreacted? Perhaps the surrender had been taken care of quietly, and they would be free to return to a peaceful world. Perhaps...
An instant later, a roar from the bowels of the earth reared up and devoured the silence. The room rocked violently, equipment sending sparks flying as they struck the walls. Everyone screamed in terror, unleashing a riptide of pent up anxiety. The barrier didn't work - of course it couldn't have! If we aren't incinerated, we'll be broken by the onslaught of radiation! Dear God, no one can save us now.
Then, a single thought, rising in the consciousness of everyone in the room. I'm still alive.
Admiral Gray was the first to recover from the shock. Dr. Adelaide Fontaine watched as he pulled up the satellite images of the globe and cursed. "It looks like Japan and America attacked simultaneously and blew each other to bits! Australia and South America are almost submerged by the radiation clouds, but it looks like Africa and most of Asia is clean." He took a deep breath. "We're going to make it! I can see most of the radiation clouds are built up outside our barriers - dunno how long those'll last though."
No one said a word, but it was clear that everyone was relieved. The admiral straightened up and continued to address his team. "We may have made it through doomsday, but we are in rough shape," Admiral Gray cautioned, "Most of our money went into war expenses, and we are obviously not going to be getting much revenue from international trade. It is imperative that we find a way to bolster our economy once more."
Adelaide cleared her throat. "I may be able to help there. As you recall, there were some...unfortunate accidents with some of the people who lived near where we were testing our barrier technology against radiation. Many of them came to us with deformities and begged us to give them their bodies back, and their lives. Of course we were more than happy to oblige, and after some reconstructive surgery and genetic enhancements, we were able to make them as good as - no, better than new." Her face shone with fierce pride.
Dr. Ibarra frowned. "I don't see where you're going with this, Adelaide. So you created some superhuman people - how is that going to help with the economy?"
Adelaide's gray eyes flashed. "That's Dr. Fontaine to you, Ibarra. Don't forget that I have been a part of this far longer than you. If you will allow me to finish..."
"Yes, yes, of course. My apologies," Ibarra muttered. He knew better than to cross the woman of steel.
"As I was saying, we were able to create genetically enhanced people, but their attempts at assimilation back into their communities were rejected. The world was not ready for creatures of such perfection." She trailed off wistfully. "But now, now people are desperate for beauty in such an ugly, ruined world. We can sell these creatures to the wealthy as workers, servants, novelties, what have you - call it an act of patriotism if you must! I'm sure the propaganda teams can put something together."
"Excuse me, Dr. Fontaine," Captain Ingvar Kristensen interrupted. "Somehow I do not feel this is right. Our job is to help people, not sell them to one another. I cannot stand by and allow you to humiliate those who asked you for help. You dishonor them, and you dishonor all that we have fought to protect!"
Adelaide didn't say a word. Captain Kristensen began to shift his feet uncomfortably under her unwavering gaze. When she finally spoke, it was with a measured tone made even more menacing by its apparent calm. "Humiliate? Do you truly believe there is dishonor in restoring lives to people otherwise condemned to a living death? These people would be nothing, nothing without the surgery. Is it too much to ask for their labor to restore our economy and our lives? I think not." She gazed levelly at everyone in the room. "Does anyone else have objections?"
The admiral spoke up. "If these...people are greater than us in so many ways, do you really think they'll agree to be sold as servants? And how do you suppose we will get enough people willing to undergo the surgery?"
A thin-lipped smile spread across Adelaide's face. "Do not worry so much, admiral, I'm sure we can come up with some form of Achilles heel. Nothing too serious, of course. As for the numbers, we can collect the sick and the handicapped from other countries; after all, we'll be using the TransPads to ship food and supplies - why not people as well?"
The admiral nodded his head slowly. He knew that Adelaide would get her way one way or another, and frankly, they didn't have any other options at the moment. It was worth a shot. "All right, Dr. Fontaine. We will try out your plan, but I want to be clear that the people selected for the surgery do so on a voluntary basis."
Adelaide smiled sweetly. "But of course! Thank you, Admiral. You will not be disappointed."
No comments:
Post a Comment