Short Story: Hall of Mirrors

Disclaimer - this short story is the longest one I've written, clocking in at 2,952 words. It's about what happens when you are forced to live in a world of nightmares, and whether you will ever be able to wake up.

Hall of Mirrors

She has never been afraid of the dark. After all, it is all she has ever known.

For twelve of her seventeen years, she has been in this world of shadow, where her fantasies and memories swirl together until she can no longer tell what is real and what isn't. Sometimes words come to her consciousness that she doesn't quite recognize. Sunshine. Birdsong. Laughter. They brush at the edges of her memory, weave themselves into her dreams. They are words that she once knew the meaning of, but now those meanings have slipped away. These words are no longer part of her world.
 Her world is this world of shadow, the maze of her own mind.

***

"How is she doing?"

"Quite well. She's one of the few that has managed to stay stable all these years. It's a wonder her own thoughts haven't driven her insane yet."

"As long as she stays under, we have proof that our technology works. Nila is the last subject we have; she is the only one who can validate the Psyche Project's effectiveness. It is imperative that she maintain stasis."

"Yes, Dr. Vincent."

"Start feeding her the epinephrine and serotonin. There's nothing like a dose of fear to get the mind moving. If we can safely maintain higher hormone levels, we can market an even more vivid experience. All the rich will be lining up outside our door to live in their own personal dream world - just think of all the money we'll make!"

"Isn't there a risk of the fear hallucinations driving her insane? I mean, I'm sure you have put a great deal of thought into this - as you always do -  but I'm afraid that she may never wake up."
"There is always some risk involved. Don't forget that you need a bit of risk if you want any rewards. You see, the beauty of the Psyche Project is that it can only end well. If she goes insane, we call it a complete immersion into the dream world, and if she never wakes up, we call it a long-lasting experience. All it takes are a few carefully worded press releases and we are set."

"But what if her brain matter deteriorates like the rest of them? This technology is powered by the mind, and once they enter a vegetative state, there's no brain activity to speak of. It all becomes for nothing! We can't afford to lose another subject!"

"It's not going to happen. Don't you have the least bit of faith in me and my research? With every deteriorated brain, we have learned how not to implement the technology. Now we will finally be able to realize our vision. You worry far too much, Laura. Now start the hormone drips."

"Yes, Dr. Vincent."

***

The darkness deepens.

With each passing moment, her murky gray surroundings sharpen into a blackness to rival a raven's wing. The darkness is disorienting; there is nothing left for her eyes to hold on to, nothing to tell her where she is. She tries to scream and release the panic that has begun to build up steadily inside her. She opens her mouth, and the darkness seeps in. No sound comes out.

She tries to take deep breaths. This isn't the first time she has found herself in a corner of her mind that she has never been before. Still, she cannot shake off her apprehension. Every time she ventures into a new part of her mind, she sees a new version of herself staring back at her. A reflection of herself with thoughts and fears that she never knew she had. Who knew what would stare out from the darkness this time?

 With each breath, she can't help but imagine the icy tendrils of the darkness flowing into her and taking root. The inky creature seeps into her, freezing her from the inside. She can't breathe, can't see, can't feel. She is obsidian, fragile and dark.

Stop it stop it stop it. It is her world, after all. Shouldn't she be in charge? As if to spite her, a blast of icy air rushes past her and she shivers. Fear veils her mind and sharpens her senses. This isn't a dream, where she is in control. This is Fear's dominion. A nightmare.

Think. How do you escape a nightmare? Her thoughts are more and more sluggish. She is so cold, and the darkness presses in from both inside and out. How do you...

She wants to close her eyes and stop fighting. It would be so much easier if she just stopped breathing. Then the darkness would envelope her in a blanket, and she could go to sleep forever...

No. Think. Fight this.

She opens her eyes as wide as she can, trying to capture the faintest ray of light although she knows it isn't there. She is swirling in black silk, woven from shadows and fear. Images of sleep, of death, of a funeral wake slide in front of her glassy eyes. A wake. Awake. Wake up.

The thought is a jagged bolt of electricity through her. All she needs to do is wake up from this nightmare. But her eyes are open, and her senses are alert. How do you wake up when you are already awake?
Her mind pushes out in a thousand directions, trying to free itself of this world. There must be a way out. There has to be.

All of a sudden, she feels leaden and heavy. She realizes that she has a body, a real one. One with real weight and a beating heart and lungs hooked up to a ventilator. Now all she has to do is learn to move it again...

***

"We can't keep going with this, Dr. Vincent. Doesn't she deserve to experience the real world? To really live?"

"We both know that she has nothing to go back to if she woke up. When did her parents' brains degenerate - four, five years ago? They're gone. It's better this way. She can live in her own dream-world instead of having to face the ugly reality of the real world."

"Dream-world? It's more of a nightmare if you ask me. All that fear that we're dosing her with...you didn't even tell the subjects that our technology was powered by fear. You made it sound like heaven, and you've dumped them into a living hell."

"Laura, please. We've invested fifteen years in this project, and it's far too late to be having second thoughts about it. You weren't so eager to point out your concerns with this project fifteen years ago when I promised you a quarter of the profits, were you? Don't forget, Laura, you need the money to keep your kids in school. It would be a shame for those brilliant children to go on the streets because their mother was too stubborn to follow through on her commitments."

"Of course, sir. You know I - did you see that?"

"What is it now, Laura?"

"Nila. I think I just saw her finger twitch. She hasn't ever moved before; none of them have."

"Don't just stand there! It is crucial that she stays asleep! Where's the sedative?"

"But Dr. Vincent, this could be her chance to wake up! We could contact a few families and see if anyone is up for an adoption. Nila could go back to the real world. We could start the project all over again - with volunteers this time."

"Yes, contact a few families and everything will just magically fall into place. Don't be absurd, Laura. If we let her go, she could sue us for unethical practice, not to mention the sticky paperwork we'll have to file for the adoption itself. This project needs to go on. Now if you don't inject her with sedative immediately, I'll do it myself."

"But -"

"Fine. If you're having second thoughts about this project, just leave. Don't forget that if you ever spill the more...delicate aspects of the project to the public, it'll only take me a few seconds to release the data on who was in charge of the preliminary test subjects. We wouldn't want you in jail for manslaughter, now would we?"

"N-no, sir. I have the sedative ready right here."

"Good. I knew you would understand."

***

Her consciousness retreats back into her shadow world. She must have imagined her body. This is her real body, right here in the middle of the darkness. That body is nothing more than the smoky haze of an illusion - dissolved by something as delicate as the wind. This is reality. She was foolish to think there was something beyond this world.

Everything is still. There is nothing but her and the darkness, each waiting for the other to make the next move. Her muscles tense with anticipation, but there is nothing. Nothing but this eerie calm. This is somehow more frightening than when the darkness had coiled around her, a serpent injecting venom into its prey. This nothingness, this waiting, that is what chills her. She has no idea what is coming next. She imagines Fear laughing at her, taunting her with infinite possibility. She knows that Fear is a part of her, but she also knows that she can't control it. Fear follows no rules. All she can do is wait.
It starts with a scuttling noise so soft that she can barely hear it. It is nothing more than a delicate patter, almost pleasant. But she isn't fooled. Her eyes dart to the charcoal floor, and she sees the source of the noise. Tiny spider feet strike the ground as a horde glides forward. Towards her.

She takes a step back, trips. Now she is lying flat on her back, and the spiders have reached her. They aren't the least bit perturbed by the body in front of them. They continue to push forward, and she sees them crawling up her legs. She hears their feet as more and more spiders swarm towards her. She can taste the bile rising in her throat. But she doesn't feel a thing.

Her body is no longer hers to command. As the black tide rushes over her, she feels...absolutely nothing. She knows the spiders are digging their pincers into her bare arms; she can see it. Yet she doesn't feel the sting, nor can she brush the creatures away. She is now a puppet, and Fear is holding the strings. She dances to its will, not her own.

The spiders have found their way to her head. They crawl onto her cheeks, through her hair. And then they stop.

As if on cue, thousands of spiders begin to secrete their silk and spin their webs. She watches their choreography unfold before her. It is almost graceful; a swing here, a scuttle there, weaving over and under one another with infinite care. They create a deadly prison masked as delicate lace. If she weren't wrapped up in it, she would even call it beautiful.

She should feel panicked. She doesn't know if these spiders are poisonous, or whether she will survive their onslaught. Her heartbeat should match the frantic rhythm of a mouse about to be pounced upon by a feral cat. She should feel cold sweat on her brow and tension in her muscles and shallow breaths tickling her lungs. What she feels is a deathly calm. And it is this calm that scares her most.
Why don't I feel anything? Is this even really happening?

Fear whispers to her that this is real - all of it. Emotions and panic are only for people who stubbornly cling to life, it tells her. You're special. You aren't afraid of the dark; you embrace it. It is a part of you.

She wants to scream, but her body betrays her. She finds herself nodding, as if she believes every word that Fear is telling her. But I don't!

Oh, but you do. You created this world, not me. I am a part of you. If you didn't want me to be here, I wouldn't be. We belong together. The darkness no longer scares you because you are becoming part of it, and it a part of you. You do not need to be afraid. We can create a new world here. We can thrive.

The words slide into her consciousness, a balm for her frenzied mind. Yes, she thinks. I belong here. I need the darkness. No! I don't belong here. This isn't real; it's all a dream. I can see and hear and feel. I am alive. She repeats this to herself, as if saying it enough times will make it true.

Don't be silly. What other world is there? This is your world. Aren't your eyes open? Aren't you awake?

I'm asleep I'm asleep I'm asleep this is just a nightmare please let me go let me wake up please -
Can you feel the soft silk blanket that the spiders have made for you? Let it cradle you. Fall asleep. Slip away from life. You don't need it anymore. You have me, and the darkness.

Yes, I should sleep. No! No. Stay awake. Stay alert. This isn't real. This is just a nightmare. It will be over soon. It will...be...

Yes, good girl. Let the darkness lull you into eternal sleep.

***

"Code Blue! Her vital signs are collapsing. She isn't getting enough oxygen, and her heart rate is incredibly weak. Dr. Vincent, this has gone too far. We need to resuscitate her and help her wake up. She'll die if we keep her sedated!"

"Have you forgotten what I told you? I have invested fifteen years and millions of dollars in the Psyche Project. I am not about to let you ruin it out of some misplaced sense of duty. If she goes into a coma, so be it. I am not authorizing her revival."

"With all due respect, sir, she never asked to be a part of this project. She doesn't deserve to die in the name of science. This project is done, Dr. Vincent. I'm going to begin the ejection sequence immediately. Hopefully she will get out of the hallucinations in time to restore her vital signs."

"You will do no such thing! Laura, I personally guarantee that you will be in jail for life if you let this girl wake up. Think of your children. How will they survive with their only parent in jail? How are you going to explain to them that you decided to ruin their lives to save some stranger?"

"This girl's life is worth spending the rest of mine in jail. Sam and Nicole are old enough to take care of themselves, and if anything, they would be proud of the decision I am making. I can't just watch another child die just because I've been to scared to stand up to you all these years. I'm done."
"Laura, do not start the ejection sequence. I am perfectly serious. You will be imprisoned, if not executed for unethical practices. All it takes are a few words on my part, and you will be ruined."
"Well, if you won't let me start it, I guess I'll have to get you out of the way. I have access to very powerful sedatives, and I have been quite well trained on how to use them."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Actually, I would. What's another year or two in prison for abuse of medical substances when I'm already going to spend the rest of my life there? It has been nice working with you, Dr. Vincent."
"You can't do-"

"I believe I just did. Sweet dreams, Dr. Vincent."

***

She has just settled into sleep when a burst of electricity shoots through her. The darkness shatters into a thousand fragments, leaving behind a canvas of perfect white. These new surroundings intrigue her; she stretches out her mind to explore it.

Eyes nose ears mouth neck arms stomach legs toes. She has a body! It is foreign to her, yet it still feels familiar somehow. Maybe she used to know that she had a real body; one of many things that her years in the darkness erased.

The darkness. It is gone now, but she can still sense it lurking just behind her mind's eye. She sees her two worlds clearly now - the infinite potential of her mind's creation and the unexplored frontier of the real world. She can only have one, and she knows that it means losing the other forever. Still, the choice isn't hard to make. I am ready for the real world.

Still, some part of her is reluctant to leave the world that she has grown up in. As her mind eases itself into the folds of her body, she can see her other self staring back at her. But that isn't really her other self, is it? She is no longer a mere reflection of a person; she is whole and real. 

The longer she spends feeling around her new world, the more aware of herself she becomes. She has a heart, and it is beating. Faintly, but very much there. She has lungs that take in purified air. Her blood is flowing through her, pulsing through her veins and arteries. She feels very much alive.

There is a faint voice speaking to her. "Wake up, Nila," it tells her. "Please, wake up."

Nila. So that's what her name is. Her name is yet another thing she had forgotten in the dream world. But now it is over.

"Wake up, Nila."


She opens her eyes.